It feels good . . . and bad . . . and at the same time.
In my mind there are two kinds of anger; justified and unjustified. Justified for those, admittedly few, occasions when I've been mistreated. Unjustified, when I (through unproductive and unGodly thinking) decide to be angry at someone or some situation.
But, I don't deal in anger much these days. Anger and I have a long and not at all glorious history. It all started with justified anger ... that I held on to for years.
Really, I had a right to be angry, I was mistreated. Instead of choosing to forgive and moving on with my life, I chose to be angry and stay angry. Throughout childhood and young adulthood I stayed angry.
Pity the person who was the target of my wrath. As with most, those closest to me suffered the greatest. Though not always attacking, my anger often came out in the venom of sarcasm and innuendo. Though I am no longer angry, the habit of sarcasm is still in my life. I hope to remove it completely, except for the rare occasion when it would be beneficial (does that even exist except in my own self-excusing mind?).
But, today I am angry, and it is justified. So what do I do with it? I must forgive and let it go. For the sake of my soul, I must. The temptation to hang on to my anger, for just a little while is there, but I know the outcome of that decision. I lived in the black hole of anger for a long time. Forgiveness is the only choice.
Blessed forgiving,
Beth
1 comment:
Beth,
I have truly missed having you around this past year. (Amazing to me that it has really been that long!) So many times you would, without even necessarily knowing my situation, come up with just the right thing to say to help me understand or put into perspective what is going on in my life.
Once again, you have hit me right between the eyes with this anger thing. There are some conflicts with the stepmother over arrangements for my dad's funeral. I have also caught myself in the "plank vs speck" dilemma on this as well--it is easy for me to tell my sister "let things go" but then I just stew over the same problems.
Anyway, we miss you guys and thanks again for your wisdom, even if you didn't know how much it would mean to me at the time you wrote it.
Larry
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